THE FIRST, NOT THE LAST

It’s March, which means it’s Women’s History Month, and perhaps just as importantly, means it has been exactly 7 years since I first interviewed for a role at Vertosoft. I was nervous, just 20 years old, trying to come up with reasons why I could be useful to someone who has been in the industry for more years than I’d been alive. If Jay had realized he’d be talking to someone he’d be seeing in the office the next half-of-a-decade, maybe he’d have been nervous, too. Mostly, he was just excited to tell me the office had a ping-pong table.

When I showed up on the first day of my internship a few months later, my first thought was “where are all the women?” and my second thought was “cool, a ping-pong table!” It turns out, I was the first woman on the payroll, joining the eight men already there. Being from the business school at JMU, a male dominated institution, my experiences were also my fears. It wasn’t the ‘big things’ I was worried about – they had hired me, they saw my potential, they were giving me plenty of work and trusting me to do a good job. It was the small things, the things you wouldn’t think about unless you have been in this position. I won’t be part of every conversation. I will miss the “boys chats” about sports, golfing, and bourbon. When they make small talk about their weekend, they won’t know how to relate to a college girl. I will be left out of the most important place where community is built – gossiping in the bathroom. Will I be given the same opportunities as my peers if this happens? Will I grow in my career if they are never able to see me as a full person?

Being the first in an organization is scary. When we enter a room, we instinctively gravitate toward the people who look most like us. Simply by being there, I was disrupting that comfort. I learned that the way through that fear wasn’t by blending in, but by building connection. The things that connect us as humans are far deeper than the things we are on the surface. I didn’t find belonging by shrinking, an instinct women so often have. I found it by standing fully in who I already was. When they brought up their pets, I cheerfully pulled up pictures of my cats to show off. When they mentioned TV they were watching, I recommended the new Survivor season, my favorite show. Before I traveled, I asked for recommendations and we bonded over our love of foreign food. Slowly, I colored in the parts of myself that made me a full person, and they were able to do the same.

Seven years later, I’m proud that I’m no longer the only woman in the room. The numbers have grown, the conversations have deepened, and the culture continues to evolve. Progress doesn’t happen accidentally, it happens when people show up fully and make space for others to do the same. This Women’s History Month, I’m grateful to the women who were “the first” before me, and committed to making it easier for the next person to walk in.